How to Repair Your Marriage (#2 of 5 Installments)

by Norris Law Group on February 18, 2014

Fixing Fear-Based Thinking

Overthinking-SuccessFailure-624x468 (1)Kim Giles, KSL-AM radio’s “Coach Kim” offers a five-part series on “Repairing Your Marriage” at KSL.com. In Part 2, Coach Kim fields the following question from a listener:

“I can see that my wife and I are both scared we aren’t good enough, and that fear is causing the problems in our marriage. I can see how her defensiveness triggers my fear of being rejected. The more she pulls back, the more rejected I feel. This is a vicious cycle of reaction, fear, defensiveness, score-keeping and selfishness. How do we get off this merry-go-round?”

In Part 1 of this series, Coach Kim suggests that most problems in marriages stem from simple fear—and makes the same assessment in response to this question. She says that “fixing your fear-based thinking” is paramount to solving the problem, and may very well be the purpose of your relationship. She theorizes that you have come together with this person to go through the challenges, trials and tribulations through which such change will put you. And that’s a good thing.

Coach Kim goes on to say that “Job 1” is to work on your own sense of self-esteem. This may be the one thing that no one else can give you—you must earn it yourself. It is inappropriate and even unfair to expect anyone else to build your self-esteem.

To that end, Coach Kim suggests the following daily affirmations:

  • You must practice reminding yourself throughout the day that your value isn’t on the line and nothing anyone says, does or thinks can change it.
  • You must choose to see [your spouse] as the same as you.
  • You cannot cast stones or cast [your spouse] as “the bad guy.”

She says that a marriage can only thrive when each spouse sees each other truthfully and accurately, and must forgive one another for any faults or for making mistakes, because you are both human—and equal. In the next installment, Coach Kim talks about how to begin the process of forgiveness.

Attorney Graham Norris and his associates at the Norris Law Group serve the residents of Utah County and throughout Utah in the area of divorce. Contact them today at 801-932-1238 or online for a free consultation.

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