10 Lies that Lead to Divorce, Part 1 (of 2)

by Norris Law Group on November 11, 2013

10 Lies that Lead to DivorceIn a CBN.com article based on her book Divorce Proofing Your Marriage, Dr. Linda Mintle suggests ten specific lies which can be devastating to any marriage, along with strategies to deal with these lies should they arise—and how avoid them in the first place. The following is Part 1 of a two-part blog series on this topic. Part 2 is available here.

 Lie #1: Marriage is a Contract

According to Dr. Mintle, marriage is indeed a legal contract. However, it is much more in God’s eyes. To Him, marriage is a covenant, which, by definition, is unbreakable. The covenant of marriage is a lifetime commitment, regardless of whether feelings toward one’s spouse may change from time to time. God is quite serious that marriage should be “’til death do us part.”

Lie #2: I married you, not your family.

Yes, you DID marry the family! The “outlawed in-laws” do matter—very much. Your spouse’s family is largely responsible for the person whom s/he has become. There are certainly other factors, and people can change, but family is typically the driving force behind the personal growth and development of each of us.

Lie #3: I can change my spouse.

This is a fallacy. The person you married is the person you married. If you start to notice destructive behaviors, such as substance abuse or violence, that is a serious matter. But if things like your spouse’s consistent tardiness, compulsive neatness or messiness, stinginess or overspending, etc. bug you to no end, Dr. Mintle suggests that it’s pretty much “just too bad.” She goes on to say that, “…all you have control over is your reaction to your spouse. That’s the only part you can change (emphasis added).”

 Lies #4: We are too different.

You and your spouse were likely different before you got married, and you’re probably just as different not. According to Linda Mintle, how you handle your differences is most important. “Compatible” approaches to life certainly make things easier. But some personal differences simply cannot be solved, and married couples need to learn to accept these in one another.

Lie #5: I’ve lost that loving feeling and it’s gone, gone, gone!

You may no longer get “butterflies” when you look at or think about your spouse. Real love, however, can last a lifetime. Linda Mintle says, “You may not always feel love but you must determine to love your partner as yourself. The loving feeling dwindles when couples lock into negative patterns that lead them away from each other…I just want [couples] to understand that loving feelings can be rekindled.”

See Part 2 of this two-part blog series for the other five of Dr. Linda Mintle’s “Ten Lies that Lead to Divorce!”

Attorney Graham Norris and his associates at the Norris Law Group serve the residents of Utah County and throughout Utah in the area of divorce. Contact them today at 801-932-1238 or online for a free consultation.

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