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How to Repair Your Marriage (#1 of 5 Installments)

by Norris Law Group on February 17, 2014

Step 1: Get Some Perspective

broken heartIn a five-part series on “Repairing Your Marriage” on KSL.com, life coach and founder of ClarityPoint Coaching Kim Giles (aka “Coach Kim”) presents a letter from a listener of her radio show on KSL-AM. A letter from a listener addressed in Part 1 of the series reads as follows:

“We have problems in our relationship. My spouse and I are both easily offended and we fight often. We both resent each other and see the other as the bad guy. Over the years we are getting more disappointed in each other and we have less and less sex. It’s never gets better no matter what we try. Do you have any suggestions?”

Coach Kim responds by saying that she actually hears such things quite often, and suggests that problems in any given marriage typically stem from one of five main issues: selfishness, defensiveness, neediness, resentment, and disappointment. She also submits that all of these problems stem from fear—either fear of failure (not being loved or “good enough”) or fear of loss (not getting what you deserve or something being taken from you).

Coach Kim suggests that married couples take an “inventory” of past experiences, and find out whether one or both of you have:

  •  Suffered abuse or neglect
  • Suffered the loss of a parent or sibling
  • Suffered loss or failure, lack of success or job loss
  • Been cheated on
  • Been left out or felt unwanted
  • Been judged for your appearance, skill level, intelligence, weight, education, parenting, success, etc.

If any of these issues may be at play in a marriage, Coach Kim goes on to say that one or both partners may be approaching the relationship from a position of neediness. It is this neediness that may be the real “heart of the matter.” If we are constantly needy, we have nothing to provide—even to ourselves. In order to truly love and be loved in return, we must need nothing, because we already have everything we need to feel good about ourselves without validation from others. In the next installment, Coach Kim offers some suggestions as to how to start improving your marriage.

Attorney Graham Norris and his associates at the Norris Law Group serve the residents of Utah County and throughout Utah in the area of divorce. Contact them today at 801-932-1238 or online for a free consultation.

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