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Is Your Personal “D-Day” Coming Soon?

by Norris Law Group on December 27, 2013

January 2 is known in legal circles as “D-Day,” or “Divorce Day.” January 2 is often the first day back to work after the holiday season. It can also be a day when the phones in divorce attorneys can start “ringing off the hook,” as couples who may have been putting off divorce until the holidays ended start putting their plans to split in motion.

The UK’s Mail Online discusses this in an article featuring advice from Francine Kaye, a relationship expert and author of The Divorce Doctor.

  • Stop the lawyers’ fighting. Asking a professional mediator to draw up guidelines through rather than going through a trial will save you time and likely a great deal of money. If you’d rather to use an attorney, you may wish to a find a collaborative lawyer who will cooperate with your ex-spouse’s attorney.
  • Don’t be defensive. Acting or reacting defensively to your ex-spouse can make matters worse. Although you may be feeling very sad, hurt or even betrayed as you move through the divorce process, do your best to respond to requests from your ex-spouse and his/her attorney calmly and rationally without becoming defensive. Your own divorce attorney can help you with this, particularly if communicating with your ex-spouse has become difficult.
  • Quit the “blame game.” Take responsibility for any role you may have had in the conflict(s) that have led to the divorce. Even though you may balk at the idea, taking responsibility for your own actions will ultimately make it easier to come to a resolution with your ex-spouse.
  • Children DON’T divorce. Only parents do. You and your ex-spouse both carry the responsibility to make sure your split is as easy as possible for your children.
  • Plan to parent. Work out a parenting plan with your ex-spouse that addresses the main aspects of caring for your children. Ideally, your plan should cover things such as schedules, contact arrangements, how to keep one another informed about “upsets” such as illness or unexpected school closures, and holidays. If your children have difficulty during and after the divorce, devise a plan of how to discuss it in a civil manner.
  • Living with the “enemy.”  If circumstances are such that you must live with your ex-spouse for a time, it is important to establish boundaries. Work out a system for how you will:
    • handle household finances;
    • share food, cooking and cleaning duties, etc.;
    • parent your children;
    • sleep; and/or
    • communicate with one another.
    • Regain your identity. Take time to think about what you want in your life after divorce.

Attorney Graham Norris and his associates at the Norris Law Group serve the residents of Utah County and throughout Utah in the area of divorce. Contact them today at 801-932-1238 or online for a free consultation.

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